sargon999 (sargon999) wrote,

The Doldrums

It's always hard to maintain my own morale when a campaign is struggling.  There's just 5 days left, and it's pretty obvious that I am going to have to extend the deadline.  I hate doing that, because one: it feels dishonest.  I use the shrinking window to build what salesmen call "urgency" and get money in the door, and then I reboot the whole thing.  Two: it extends the time I am running the campaign, and it is tremendously stressful and emotionally exhausting to keep this kind of pressure up.  It always wears me down and takes weeks for me to recover.  I don't like doing it, but I have to.  The third reason is the simple, practical reason that it pushes back the time frame until I get paid, which means some major belt-tightening for me.  With the deadline set next week, I was looking at a payday in the next 14 days, now it may be more like 35, and that puts a strain on what remains of my budget.

I've been trying to diversify, get some freelance work, but it's slow and unreliable.  I have to have a cushion to work from, no matter how low I get my expenses. (And they are loooowww, let me tell you.)

The worst part is the constant feeling that I should be Doing Something.  The feeling that I need to get up at like 2 am and get to work on some brilliant piece of online marketing that will make my campaign go viral and launch it into the stratosphere.  I always feel like the perfect thing is just out of reach.  This is coupled by the incompatible feeling that there is nothing I can do.  This is the wrong idea, the wrong time, people are sick of my bullshit, or are just broke for whatever reason.  I don't know, and it's like a puzzle I can never solve.

So instead I come on LJ and complain about it, because, well, hardly anybody will see it here, but it feels better than just not saying it at all.

EDIT: I am looking back through and I am just like "holy shit I write a whiny post like this every time don't I?"  Feel free to ignore me.  Sheesh.
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